Jerk Music Critic: Cock Sparrer, Shock Troops

Oi! The most your typical Septic has ever heard off this album is admittedly its best, the knowing "I Got Your Number," run sped up in Jackass 3D while the team commits hijinx and at least one bodily injury in the exhaust from a private jet. But the punk is fun and the quality isn't suss, and if they lack some of the political awareness of their contemporaries that also means they lack some of their obnoxiousness (and outlasted them too, as "Where Are They Now" did prove). That doesn't mean they won't take prisoners in the process ("Take 'Em All") and it doesn't mean they fail to be topical ("Working," "Secret Army"), but if they're smart enough to know revolution is just replacing one type of oppression with another ("Watch Your Back") then they're smart enough to be more than attitude. As proof, at the end and out of left field comes the atmospheric, almost meditative naval story of "Out On An Island" that easily matches the best output of more outwardly cerebral bands. Even if that didn't sell many records to any audience, this one's still a keeper. The later reissues correct its chief flaw of brevity with even more great tracks; most, including the easily available Captain Oi! CD release, include "Argy Bargy" and the wacky B-side version of "Colonel Bogey" (with a spoon solo!), but the 18-track Taang! release throws in five more as well. All the contemporary reissues also include their only other notable single "England Belongs To Me," which became infamous as an anthem for skinheads who mistook its pride of country for white supremacy. These guys just can't catch a break. (Content: S-bombs on "Take 'Em All" and "Droogs Don't Run.")

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Express Yourself

The Jerk Music Critic is a collection of amateur music reviews I wrote largely non-professionally between the 1990s and today. Some of these reviews are contemporary and some are retrospective, and a few are rather dated, but all are intended to be free-standing and permanent records of my completely worthless musical opinion. They are presented in no particular order and "new" reviews that occur may actually be simply prior ones I've only now transcribed. Older reviews have been edited to hopefully remove inaccuracies later revealed, as well as add brief content advisories (see "Smash the PMRC") and, where reissues exist with different tracks, brief commentaries on these later additions (the actual star review was not altered).

If you're looking for a specific artist, or just interested to see what I really liked (or really didn't), "When I Break Down" indexes reviews by artist and by number of stars awarded (see "Star Chart" for an explanation).

As we move deeper into the Internet music age where the album format might seem hopelessly antiquated, there is still some artistic value in the LP to those artists who still take advantage of it, and some of these recordings can only be properly appreciated in that context. I hope you enjoy these reviews and recommendations, and don't take them too seriously. — Cameron Kaiser

Star Chart

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An instant classic. Substantially advances/d the state of the art, either technologically, stylistically, or (preferentially) both, and is outstanding music besides. Buy it.

🌟🌟🌟🌟
A excellent album. Nearly every song is a gem; nearly every piece is a winner. Falls short of 5 stars for want of that certain special something, but the difference is in impact, not in musical quality. Buy it.

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Solid. Mostly good songs with a few clinkers. Salvageable with a good playlist. Buy it cheap.

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Mixed. Some good songs stand out, but not enough to make it listenable as a whole. Buy the good songs on iTunes.

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Bad. One or two tracks of even decent quality. Buy the good songs cheap on iTunes.

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How did this get released?

Smash the PMRC

I don't advocate for censorship or unnuanced black and white stickers, but I do advocate for parents being able to raise kids in the way they see fit, which might include introducing albums of controversial yet artistic merit at a point in their child's life when they can better appreciate it. The content summaries are intended to be a very general guide, reflective of only my own personal sensibilities and mine alone, and do not substitute in any way for a parent actually sitting down and listening to the album themselves. If you excessively rely on my content advisories, then I'm the one raising your kid, and you really don't want that.